These images were made over the span of the last 2 years, in various places and in many states of mind. They represent a search for something, while the something remains uncertain. A search that had already begun back in 2019, when i first moved to the Netherlands, leaving my comfort zone back in New Delhi, India. The ongoing subconscious search led to a realization, a realization and a longing.A realization that I do not belong and a longing to belong.

Many confrontational questions arose as a result, questions that remain unanswered to this day, and will perhaps continue to be so.

These are questions about my identity, my identity as an Indian, my identity as a brown person in a western white world.

These are questions about home, about what makes a home, about the feeling of home.

These are questions about my privilege, abut my sense of freedom. 

There are so many unanswered questions. These images represent my state of mind in a way, the feeling of not belonging, the feeling of being stuck in no mans land, in the middle of 2 places, 2 worlds. They are meant to visualize something that can not be visualized. They are supposed to represent a search for something, while the something remains uncertain.
This project started in the summer of 2021, I felt uneasy in a place that i call home, and felt like i did not belong anymore there. I had been away from it for so long, I had started to feel like a foreigner in my own land. But, that realisation did not come until I was back in The Hague. During the summer, I was taking a lot images with my cameras, they were all very intuitive and I wasn’t really thinking about the images I was taking.

When I came back and developed them and saw these images that had been shot over the period of the past 2 months, I wanted to do something with them. From the start of the project, I already had a lot of material but no basis, so to say. That situation stuck with me several weeks. I had over 500 images but my concept was constantly changing. 

The project had evolved from first, trying to find the notion of Indian identity, to then finding a contrast between my life in India vs my life here in NL. That switch led to an existential crisis, as I was confronted by the fact, that I dont belong. This led to this project being about trying to find a sense of belonging. 

The medium of photography which previously used to help me keep distracted from my life and also (maybe cheesy) help me find answers to questions, was not helping anymore. Which made me turn to other mediums that I find solace in, music and text. The text found in this book is a refined version of my thoughts that I wrote down in my diary. That in combination with the edit of images and song lyrics from Kendrick Lamar and Loyle Carner, forms this project.